Ahh...Hulk Hogan and stupid, it's a lot like peanut butter and jelly just a lot less tasty (I assume).
Despite being arguably the most successful pro wrestler of all time and having the reputation as one of the smartest politicians in wrestling, Hogan doesn't exactly have a flawless track record. He's made numerous enemies, has said the most ridiculous lies that a human being can possibly create and yet is held with love and nostalgia for anybody who grew up watching wrestling in the 80s and 90s.
Take away the nostalgia and the rose-colors though, what are you left with? To be honest, we're left with a pretty sad and frankly stupid man. Don't believe me? Well I got 15 reasons right here that prove my point, what have you hmm? Well I suppose you could make a blog post or something but you probably won't, so ha!
As easy as it would be for me to fill this list up with on-screen stupidity of Hogan's wrestling character, that's exactly why I'm not doing it. Also because it'll probably be a list for another day so there's that too. Okay I actually have one cheat to that rule on here, but I beg of you to grant me it. It's REALLY dumb.
No instead I think this time would be better used to chronicle the top 15 stupidest things that Terry Bollea the man has done. As you're going to read, this includes having horrendous judgment on product endorsements, business ventures and general good taste. So let's dig in to the filth shall we?
So without further ado, here are the 15 stupidest things Hulk Hogan has ever done.
15 15. The Whole Gawker Thing.
Alright so I know that you guys think that this should be at number one with a bullet but hear me out here.
Yes, the whole sex tape scandal and racism scandal caused a huge public relations nightmare for the Hulkster but after all the dust has settled (assuming Gawker doesn't win in their appeal), Hogan came out pretty good from this.
He has guys like Dwayne Johnson defending him in the media, most people don't think he's really a racist and now he's rich again after losing most of his fortune to his ex-wife. I don't see how this was really a dumb move on his part.
14 14. Wearing That Ridiculous Helmet
Now I'm sure that Hulk Hogan didn't actually design this helmet, but by the very virtue of placing it upon his balding head, he implicated himself with this monstrosity.
While it didn't last long, there is at least one match where Hogan wrestles with this rejected Gladiator prop on his head and rams Bad News Brown with it. Hey wait a minute, isn't that a disqualification? He totally just used a foreign object! Damn, it must have been good to not care about the rules when you're Hulk Hogan in the 1980s.
13 13. Claiming He Was Almost The Bassist For Metallica
Here's my Hulk Hogan rule of thumb: you should trust about 50% of the stuff he says, not believe the other 50% and lastly, question it all. How did Hogan get this rep? Well things like this would do it.
Back in 2012, Hulk Hogan claimed that he was almost the bassist for Metallica back in their early days because of his friendship with Metallica drummer Lars Urlich. Well Ulrich denied ever being friends with Hogan and essentially said Hogan was full of it. Hogan tried to twist his story throughout the years but nobody believed it and nobody ever will.
12 12. Super Blunder
As an opening entry we'll keep this to a friendly jab at Hogan before delving into the deeper bits. Cool? Cool.
As Hogan was opening the 30th installment of WrestleMania, he took us down memory lane to recount some of his most treasured memories of the event. One of these memories was his legendary main event with Andre The Giant at the Pontiac Silverdome in 1987... in Michigan, over 1,000 miles away from the location where Hogan was standing at the time, in New Orleans' Superdome.
Thankfully for himself and us Hogan recovered quickly and Stone Cold and The Rock had some fun with it later on. Fun would be devoid of the next entry though.
11 11. Hulk Hogan's Main Event
No no not any of the main events through his wrestling career, I'm talking about gaming catastrophe from 2011 for the Xbox 360.
Only able to function with the 360's Kinect Camera, this game is somehow forgotten about when discussing the worst games of all time, probably because nobody actually played but I pity the souls who did.
Graphics that make the Nintendo 64 laugh, audio which sounds like somebody watched one wrestling match and told themselves "yeah I got this" and gameplay which doesn't resemble pro wrestling or any idea of fun. But what else would you expect from a company whose portfolio includes such classics like Drake of The 99 Dragons and several Cooking Mama games?
Shame on you Hulkster for attaching your name to this abomination.
10 10. That Wrecking Ball Commercial
I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry that you have to devote brain cells in order to remember and process this video but damnit I had to do it and so should you.
Serving as an advertisement for Hostamania (a website hosting site, not like the ad makes it clear), the ad features Hulk Hogan booting a guy in the face while swinging like the worst Spider-Man impersonator and worst of all, sporting a thong. The ad is dated, non-nonsensical and horribly unclear. It's definitely Hulk Hogan alright.
9 9. His... Questionable Relationship With His Daughter
Not that I am one (as far as I know), but as a parent it's important to show how proud you are of your kids' successes. But there's a fine line between being a proud parent and being obnoxious about it. Hulk Hogan though decides to moon jump both sides of that and just goes into weird territory.
Whether he's questioning every single boyfriend she brings home, applying lotion to her legs or snapping a pic of her legs on Twitter, it's clear that these two share a close relationship. Is it anything more than just, ahem, close? We'll never know, unless Gawker has any more evidence on the Hulkster.
8 8. Pretty Much All His Movies
So Hulk Hogan has a film career. The good news is that he was a perfect fit for the role of Thunderlips in Rocky III and it was a great start to his acting career. Unfortunately, that's where his career peaked.
Take your pick from the litter. You got Suburban Commando (featuring The Undertaker!) where Hogan is an alien super soldier living with a family in the suburbs while fending off bounty hunters. Or you can pick Santa With Muscles, where Hogan is an amnesiac who believes he is Santa Claus... somehow involving an evil scientist who tries to take over an orphanage.
Going by his filmography, Hogan isn't the ultimate male but indeed, the ultimate meatball. Ha ha.
7 7. Not Doing The HBK Trilogy
Pride can propel to do great things but when you have too much pride (especially in a pre-determined form of entertainment) it can rob you of opportunity. Look no further than SummerSlam 2005.
Hulk Hogan will do a lot of things for money, so it's a wonder why Hogan didn't just suck it up and agree to WWE's plans to have a trilogy between Hogan and Shawn Michaels, where they would trade victories.
But BROTHER! This is Hulk Hogan we're talking about JACK! He wasn't gonna play that way DUDE! Instead of a trilogy, Hogan agreed to only one match (he cited an injury as reason why he couldn't do the trilogy. So only one match was ordered. Guess who won?
So why was this stupid? Well, Hogan just skipped out on two paydays purely because of pride. Dumb dumb dumb move.
6 6. Thunder In Paradise
Back in 1993, Hulkamania was running out of steam so fast that Vince McMahon wanted Hogan to function as a sort of goodwill ambassador for WWE and occasionally wrestle a match to put a new guy over (like he was supposed to do at SummerSlam 1993 with Bret Hart).
Hogan balked at that idea and instead went to go film Thunder In Paradise, a show for TNT which starred Hogan as a NAVY seal who fought mercenaries using his high-tech Thunder boat. Yup, this was Hogan's big project after leaving the WWE. Thank goodness for his legacy Eric Bischoff came around and signed Hogan to a WCW contract and gave him the phase two of his career.
5 5. Hogan Knows Best
I don't know about you guys, but I think the era of the reality show is finally coming to an end. With series like Game of Thrones and Jessica Jones bringing the spotlight back to fully scripted shows with great actors, it seems the cheesy drama-filled BS shows are fading out (though I still have a soft spot for Total Divas). The year 2007 was a different time though...
Which brings us to Hogan Knows Best, a title which only applies if we're talking about making money and being a wrestling politician. It certainly didn't show Hogan knowing anything aside from being a paranoid, dysfunctional and creepy fool.
While Hogan has since expressed regret over doing the show, it doesn't take back from what we saw on the reality show.
4 4. Endorsing The Ultimate Grill
If one thing has been made clear on the above entry, is that Hulk Hogan should just stay the hell away from anything food-related. But no way dude! The Hulkster has to pay the bills brother! And the Ultimate Grill is going to be the thing that will do it.
The grill advertised that it could cook everything from burgers to steak and even WAFFLES! Oh my god, what could possibly go wrong? Oh... that's right, it could get recalled due to it being a fire hazard if cooking oils are applied to it before preheating.
Where did this whole grill saga start from though? Keep on reading to eventually find out.
3 3. Going To TNA In 2009
This is a sign that you should never try to recapture lighting in a bottle, it never never works. So let's talk about Hogan's TNA run hmm?
It was awful. It was meant to elevate TNA as a credible threat to WWE but instead only hampered the brand and furthered their reputation as the professional wrestling senior citizens' home. Hogan took entirely too much screen time, pushed for Impact to move to Monday night and probably worst of all brought his daughter Brooke with him.
The attempt by Hogan and Eric Bischoff (also brought in around this time) seemed to be to recreate mid-90s WCW in this decade. It didn't work and only sullied Hogan's legacy even further.
2 2. PastaMania? Oh Brother!
Little known fact, Hulk Hogan's real name is Terry Bollea, which is Italian... meaning that if Hogan is going to open a pasta restaurant you would think that he would put some pride behind it.
It seems all his pride went into the marketing, as Hogan convinced WCW to book the first ever WCW Nitro in the Mall of America in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Ah yes a shopping mall, the ideal place for a wrestling show.
Unfortunately for all of his "Pastamaniacs", he didn't put a lick of effort into the actual food. His restaurant opened in 1995 and closed in less than a year. Maybe selling Chef Boyardee at a ridiculous markup wasn't as good as an idea in reality as it was in theory.
1 1. Passing On The George Foreman Grill
It has been reported that former heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman has made over $200 MILLION from the George Foreman Grill. And why wouldn't he; a grill that drains fat while cooking both sides of the food is a great idea. Just what the hell does this have to do with Hulk Hogan? Well...
While story changes depending on who tells it and when, the jist of it seems to be that originally the grill endorsement wasn't offered to Foreman, but to Hogan. Hogan passed on the grill though and instead chose to endorse a blender. Somehow, I don't think that Hogan has made $200 million off the Hulk Hogan Thunder Mixer...
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